The theory of inner child work is popular in modern psychology. The term inner child refers to the behaviors and patterns that a person learns as a child prior to puberty. It is an unconscious or sub-conscious aspect of oneself that is a reflection of one's past experiences. The inner child comprises the innocence, joy, wonder, awe and sensitivity of a child. It also includes the accumulated hurts, traumas, fears and angers that a child experienced. The theory centers around the idea that each person was once a child and thus has a child still dwelling within them. The lack of awareness or perception of the child within allows for the stemming of many behavioral, emotional, and relationship difficulties. The emotional baggage that one accumulated as a child is still carried with them. In psychology true adulthood is defined as acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for loving and parenting one's own inner child. When keeping in mind with this definition, most adults do not achieve this. Many adults instead deny, abandon, disparage, neglect or reject their inner child. These individuals are unwittingly constantly being controlled, or influenced by this inner child. For many adults this means that it is an emotionally hurt child controlling an adult body and mind. This leaves people in a state of confusion.
"Anything that is wrong with you began as a survival mechanism in childhood"
- Dr. Gabor Mate
How to deal with the inner child:
1. Acknowledge the inner child. This means becoming aware of the inner child without awareness of the inner child. The inner child can overpower personality traits. This can be done by thinking of inner child work as exploring one's past and nothing more. This can allow individuals to approach this process with a sense of curiosity. It can be helpful to look to children as an example especially if one struggles to recall positive childhood memories. In this situations taking the time to do creative play with children can help reignite those happy times. For those taking this approach, any type of play can be beneficial. Another method could be looking through old photo albums or rereading childhood diaries. Participating in activities one used to enjoy can likewise be beneficial. All of this will help stir up childhood memories and help individuals explore their past (inner child). 2. Learn to take the inner child seriously. This means that one takes the time to communicate with the inner child. People can do this by verbally talking to the inner child or through writing. Listen to how the inner child feels and what that part of themselves needs. This allows individuals to address those needs themselves without expecting others to fulfill those infantile needs. This relieves pressure off of their relationships. It requires acceptance of past traumas and knowing that owe cannot change the past. When completing these activities it can be helpful to work alongside a therapist who can offer support and strategies to cope with the traumas and emotions from the past. The method of finding the inner child centers around making it easier to cope with the adult experience, heal from pain, and face future challenges with self-compassion.
Where did the concept of the Inner Child begin?
Many attribute Carl Jung with the first reference to the inner child because of his descriptions of an internal child throughout his work.
Trauma and the Inner Child Wound:
Every person has trauma. This trauma can be significant events or small events. The trauma can be multilayered and even multi-generational. Whether or not an individual remembers their traumatic events their body and their subconscious mind remember and track every rejection, every shame, every fear, and every moment of helplessness. The inner child who has been wounded can become emotionally triggered by events reminding him/her of those past traumas. In these moments, the individual becomes the age of that initial trauma. People can choose to ignore their inner child and hope that these feelings do not reoccur or they can give themselves permission to revisit their pain points from their childhood so they can move on and be a new and improved version of their adult selves. Healing isn't always a joyful experience. Sometimes it is full of triumphs and sometimes it is full of sorrow. In both cases, it is an opportunity to process emotions, experiences, and choices.
Five Things to tell your Inner Child when it comes Knocking:
1. I give you permission to heal 2. I give you permission to forgive yourself and others 3. I honor our journey together 4. I love you 5. Thank you Taken from Kristin Folt's TEDtalk.
Sources:
Essential Secrets of Psychotherapy : The Inner Child. (2008, June 07). Retrieved October 26, 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evil-deeds/200806/essential-secrets-psychotherapy-the-inner-child Reypole, C. (2020). Inner Child: 6 Ways to Find Yours. Retrieved 27 October 2020, from https://www.healthline.com/health/inner-child#takeaway